I remembered.

I suddenly remembered everything about everything.  It was an odd feeling that left me with so many questions, so many personal tiffs about decisions I'd made, so much of everything.  So much changed.  I feel like I was just going through life as a soulless body, with no concious, just living.  And now... now I remembered.

I sat on the edge of the river for a while, just thinking.  I can't describe exactly how it feels to remember your entire life, every second, every face.  It wasn't like a movie, it was more of a surge of emotions and moments and words.  It brought me up and up and down and everywhich way.  There were moments when I wanted to kill myself for what I'd done and moments I wish would happen over and over forever. 

But what I remember most was her face.  The eyes, the lips, the pail skin that never ceesed to catch my eye.  I remembered all the nights together in the gardens.  Away from everyone and laying with her in the hidden grass plots, stairing at the star scattered sky.  In the cleared unpolluted skies, they burned like a million and one spotlights, begging us to jump and join them.  But nothing burnt brighter than what was inside of me.  It was... this all encompassing feeling.  Everything inside me felt amazing.  The brightest light my heart could make, pushing against my skin, ready to burst out and light up the world.  I remember touching her finger with mine, turning my head towards hers, hoping with everything that she was filled with the same light.  She'd already been looking at me.

It felt like everything was perfect.  Even with just my finger on hers, I felt closer to her than I'd ever felt for anyone.  It didn't feel like my skin was touching her skin.  It felt like my finger melted through and in that tiny space, we were the same. 

She looked back up at the stars, but I knew she wasn't thinking about them.  It was me.  She was thinking about me.  And I was thinking of her and from that point thats all I thought about.  Her. 

Thats what I remembered most.  Here I am though, next to a casket and a river looking at a city, with amazingly high buildings and things I'd never seen before.

Today is the day I guess.  Today's when I'll start it all over and move on.

[I just got writers block. I don't know what else to put. this was supposed to be a continuation of the vampire one. I probably messed stuff up and it doesn't make sense... but... I didn't read the other one first.  I just wanted to write.]

World,

     I hardly feel like myself anymore.  I feel like I lost myself to medication and pain and depression.  I lost it to lost hopes and feeling like no one in this world cares about me.  I don't want to feel this way anymore.  Why can't anyone just hold me and tell me it'll be ok?  I'm a person too.  I just want everything to work, right now. I just want to snap my fingers and have everything fixed.  I feel like I've tried to fix everything so much and nothing works.  I tried to make new friends, I tried to get a new job, I tried to make everyone happy.  And everynight I go home and take off the smile and cry.  Maybe not on the outside, but Inside i feel like I'm drowning in my sadness.
I feel like there's always someone whispering in my ear telling me everything bad I've ever done.  Everytime I try to sleep they find me and they haunt me.  One of the first times I've remembered a dream in a long time was a really long one.

I can't explain the enviroment it took place in.  But it had the same light that every dream I have has in it.  Its not hot, there's no temperature to it.  It comes from above, but there's no sky.  I can't look up in dreams.  I think I was somewhere people went to die.  Maybe I was really talking to a ghost.  But I was talking to Chevy Chase, but he had nothing funny to say.  It had nothing to do with him as an actor.  He told me about his life, personal things, his loves, his losses.  I felt like he was the first person I'd connected with in so long.  And once I made that realization it skipped me ahead and he was gone.  I was standing there talking to him and he disapeared.  just vanished.  Like he was never there. No poof, nothing... just, as if you were talking to someone and without looking away, without blinking, they just weren't there.  And the silence was overwhelming.  It pushed down on me and made me feel so emotionally small, so lost.  And I just started crying.  It felt like forever until I finally stopped.  And then I was talking to someone else and they were saying "Do you know where [I dont know his name] went" and I was starting to say something like "no, I don't know where he went" But all I got out was "no, I ...I..." and I cried for so long and then I woke up.  And I was so sad when I woke up, I wanted to cry in real life. 

: / I don't know what to do. 

     Its half past noon, and already the sun is red.  Its been red since the war started, since the ash filled the sky.  Nobody walks outside, and if they do, its with gas masks and umbrellas.  This whole thing just bothers me.  The war changed everything.
     What we have left are five cities.  They came overnight and lay waste to the world.  They show no reason and no remorse.  We can't leave our cities.  All we have left to tell if they've survived are the ancient underground lines.  They have yet to discover them, but we think it will be soon.  Paris fell a month ago.  Their generators skipped for less than a second, but that's all that it took.  The half-sphere plasma dome around the city flickered and one came in.  It took four minutes for it to find the generators and shut off the barrier.  We listened to the screaming as the city was annihilated.  Some screamed.  Some prayed.  Some told their family they loved them, seconds before they died.  Some fought back, but what's the use against those abominations?  Our bullets do nothing to them, it only provokes them more.  Some accepted their deaths.  Others thought they found salvation, that these beings would bring them to their planet and accept them.  I can't blame them for their insanity.  Chaos leads way to radical reasoning and resorting to far-stretched and imaginative lies to cope.
     I work in the underground farms.  If anymore than five plants die under my care, 1 person dies for every plant after that.  So, instead of another worker die, I've been kindly promised it will be me.  I've become quite the gardener.  I didn't even pick this job.  But looking back, there's not much else better than this.  I kinda got lucky being stuck with the lesser of all evils.
    Some people wonder why we even try to survive.  At the moment, we have nothing to kill them except the walls.  We figured out that their bodies are controled by an electric, organic system.  That's why we made the EMP walls.  Anything electronic that passes through there is completely fried.  Even humans would die because of the small shocks that keep our heart pumping.  Very few of the creatures had to find out the hard way before the rest caught on.
    But thanks to those few, we're studying their bodies, looking for weaknesses.  They say within 5 months we'll have something to kill them. But, I'm not getting my hopes up.  After all, the "experts" said that the creatures were leaving.  They said that a year ago.
     I don't pray anymore.  I found out after living through this hell that there is no god. There is no one watching over me.  God is the adult "blankey," a comfort item, the opiate of the masses..  I can cope with the idea that I'm not going to heaven.  I'm not going to go anywhere better than this after I die.  I am just going to be throw across the wall to be eaten.  They say that Darwinism is just survival of the fittest.  Kill or be killed.  I think if I don't even try, I'll never know if I'm better than those things.      
     That's my motivation.  God is fake.